September 20, 2016 0 Comments Watching

Why we wouldn’t be allowed on Channel 4’s Hunted

Hunted, Channel 4

Image from 4creative

Channel 4's TV show Hunted returns to our screens this Thursday. If you haven't come across it before, the premise is pretty straightforward: A group of contestants on the run are hunted by a team of former police and intelligence officers; all they have to do is not get caught. And yet, as last season proved, it's not that easy. Big Brother really is always watching and disappearing is a bigger challenge than you'd think.

The thing is, while we were watching last year's series we couldn't help but shake this feeling. The whole set up is about endurance, about hiding yourself away from everyone for weeks at a time. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be harrowing.

To us it sounded like a *dream*. (But then we are two self-confessed introverts/hermits.)

We started thinking... what would happen if we went on Hunted?

Day 1

With infinite options in front of them, Nicola and Jo seem to be staying true to their original claim that they’d ‘find a hermit cave, take a load of tinned food, and stay there’, using their hour’s grace to reach a small but clean wooden shack at a midpoint between their houses. It seems almost too simple. Surely this will be an easy one for our crack team of sophisticated security experts?

Day 3

Hunter 1: “We tried to profile them by looking at their computers and interrogating friends and family members but it seems they don't really leave the house. They’re well-versed in withdrawing from society. And in Jennifer Lawrence gifs.”

Hunter 2: “We did find out from their receipts that they buy a lot of books. Enough to keep them happy while they're hidden away for at least three years.”

Hunter 1: “This’ll be a tough one.”

Day 7

Nicola and Jo are reading books and sharing jokes. They actually seem to be enjoying the process.

Day 10

It’s at this point we’d expect the pair to start showing signs of cracking as a full ten days without speaking to other people begins to take effect. After discarding their phones at the beginning with what we can only assume were whoops and cheers of nervousness, neither has mentioned finding new ones.

Hunter 1: “Most people are usually dying to make a call but these two seem almost relieved to be free from their phones. Anyone would think they actively avoid phone calls.”

Hunter 2: “We’re dealing with some real professionals here.”

Day 16

In a stroke of genius, the pair posted one of their bank cards to a friend with instructions to use it to take out cash after a couple of weeks. The hunters, encouraged by what seems to finally be a lead on the two, race to the location.

On the opposite side of the country, Jo and Nicola make a list of their favourite puns.

Day 23

Jo and Nicola are still living off the same soups. It’s like they’ve trained for this. They seem to be entirely unfazed by the same surroundings, same food or each other's company.

It’s an astonishing performance.

The producers are beginning to suspect that these two aren’t particularly competitive or interested in winning this competition, instead seeing it as some sort of bizarre vacation.

Day 28

Jo and Nicola have submitted a request to the producers to stay longer, stating their reasons as “they just started a really good book and want a couple more days to finish it” and also “they’ve still got half a thing of Tesco soup that’ll go to waste otherwise.” The request has been turned down. It’s unclear whether the pair will stay anyway.

Series two of Hunted starts at 9pm, Thursday 22 September, on Channel 4. (We would watch but we'll be in our hermit cave.)