Game of Thrones: Episode 8 – No One
Arya. Officially not giving any shits. Image from HBO
We're a little late this week because one of us was doing cool stuff in Germany instead of watching Game of Thrones at 2am like a normal person, but we're here now and that's all that matters. Plus, we found this episode a little frustrating at times so it was probably good we had some time to calm down, stop whining about the off-screen deaths (?!) and admit that the Hound taking out people with an axe made up for it a bit.
Read on for our take on this week's episode. As usual, it's full of spoilers because we talk about what's going on instead of hiding it away in ~off-screen land~. Us? Bitter?
Jo: The title gave away that this would be an Arya-related episode. They’re not being the most cryptic are they? Next week’s is Battle of the Bastards. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
Nicki: Not at all. Such mystery.
Jo: Last episode is called Winds of Winter so I’m hoping it’s just 69 minutes of George R.R. Martin sat at his desk writing the book. Occasionally turning around to camera to say “SEE I AM DOING SOMETHING”.
Nicki: Sexy live novel writing mmm. I’m glad we were correct that there was no weird(er) stuff with Arya and the Waif swapping places or anything. She just simply cut her face off.
Jo: No, I think the theories have reached the silly point now.
Nicki: I feel people are writing weird theories on Reddit so some lazy website will pick it up.
Jo: Have to say, I was disappointed by the way they went about the deaths this week. In fact, doubly disappointed. After all that chasing, having the Waif die off screen seemed a bit of a cop out. I know they needed to leave it uncertain so we could see the face but I mean, we all knew what was going to happen...
Nicki: Yes, considering how violence is not a problem with Game of Thrones. It wasn't tense as we know if Arya had died we would have seen it. But how did she survive all those jumps without breaking her ankles I’ll never know!
Jo: And the gaping stab wounds. And then the Blackfish died off-screen too, which seems a waste.
Nicki: Yes, we are here for the deaths. We chose violence.
Game of Thrones - the computer game
Jo: Nice to see the Mountain go all Mortal Kombat on the Faith.
Nicki: We did get some excellent very angry Hound axe swinging.
Jo: That was the best!
Nicki: “You're shit at dying, you know that?”
Jo: That made me smile.
Nicki: He was so angry it was funny.
Jo: I didn’t think I’d miss the Hound but he’s brightening things up with his swearing and killing.
Nicki: It was all very ‘Game of Thrones: the computer game’ this week.
Jo: It was. Many deaths, much chasing, big jumps.
Side note: we just discovered this is a thing and we want it to be real please.
Nicki: On a computer game related note I finished the Tell Tale game and got one of the main characters hanged. So I really failed at that.
Jo: I think that’s in my near future too! I'm on the last chapter. I'd like to say things are going well but they're not.
Nicki: Don’t have morals, that was my downfall. I forgot it was Game of Thrones and tried to do the honourable thing.
Jo: Never do that. Sell people out and get away with it. (I’ve been honourable too so far because of course I have). It says something when we can’t even be mean to people in computer games.
Nicki: Very true, go us. Who else did we see in ‘Game of Thrones - The Game’ this week?
Jo: We had the return of Beric Dondarrion and the wonderful Thoros of Myr, who seem to be heading north... now with added Hound.
Nicki: Oh yes, the ‘bro’ section of this week’s episode.
Jo: I think that honour goes to Bronn talking about Pod and Jaime.
Nicki: Oh yes he was at full bro. More penis chat. Standard.
Jo: Gotta get that comic relief peen joke in.
Nicki: Also Lemoncoat is now gone so does this mean no Lady S?
Jo: Not sure on Lady S. There’s still a possibility she’s linked in somehow, but I’m not as sure as I was.
Nicki: We had momentary Dany and Drogon. Blink and you miss it. She’s back you guys. Bye.
Jo: Yeah, I thought that was a waste too. Let’s have 10 tedious minutes of Tyrion trying to get Grey Worm to tell a joke and then drop Dany through the window in the last few seconds.
Nicki: Tyrion has been a bit wasted this season.
Jo: He hasn't had much to work with. Where do we think Varys is off to on his secret mission? My bet’s on Dorne. Because otherwise what's the point of them.
Nicki: I would think so.
Jo: But the main bulk of the episode was Jaime and Brienne, and the incredibly short-lived siege.
Nicki: Oh yes, felt like I was watching a weird edited version. I rewound to see if I’d fallen asleep and missed the actual fight.
Jo: How did you feel about Jaime’s lines about doing everything for Cersei? You weren’t sure on them last week from the preview.
Nicki: I’m still annoyed he’s not found her out. I think if he had it would have made the Brienne and Jaime sexual tension better (but, obviously, still Brienne and Tormund forever).
Jo: Oh totally. No to Jaime and Brienne, but I've always thought theirs is more a relationship of respect and friendship. It’s a departure from book Jaime's storyline but I can see why they might be doing it.
Nicki: I wonder if they are doing it so that it’s the one last punch for Cersei that will push her over the edge? She’s losing everything slowly. She’s now been basically sentenced by her son.
Jo: I think if they go down the wildfire plot then Jaime will be caught between his love for her and condemning her for what she’s done. It’ll seem more dramatic than if they were already distanced.
Ok, we didn't see that coming
Nicki: No massive surprises really. The surprise was what we missed as it happened off-camera.
Jo: Yeah, no shocks really apart from Tommen being even more of a tool and ruling out trial by combat. C’mon, we want combat.
Nicki: Yes, and once again robbing us of a good fight at King's Landing.
Jo: But it makes sense as a plot point to push Cersei towards more extreme behaviour.
We totally called it
Nicki: Arya. We knew it would be simple. It was just about her needing to want to be herself finally, that she can be a girl and a warrior and go be a Stark. Did we see a little knowing smile on Jaqen’s face?
Jo: Yup. Not sure how to take it - like I said last week, I think he saw it as a task for her and probably didn’t expect her to forget who she was. That’s what she needs to push her.
Nicki: She’s ready to go back. Both her and Sansa have been changed but are now more Stark than they were before.
Jo: Yup. Training complete. Bring on the kick-ass MONTAGE.
OMG WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN?
Nicki: So next week is Episode 9. Always THE episode. Guessing Littlefinger is going to rock up with half of Westeros and then they’ll march to Winterfell? Though, if so, they've kept him hidden in the trailer.
Jo: I’d imagine there’ll be a big battle and there will be some mild peril and a moment where things look bad for the good guys but that ultimately good will win out and Ramsay will be eaten by a wolf. The end.
Nicki: The ultimate revenge. Eaten by the only things he actually cares about.
Jo: Let’s hope it’s that fitting.
Nicki: I assume he’ll get quite the violent death. Maybe that’s why we saw no deaths this episode. They are saving the blood budget.
Jo: Do you think Cersei’s plan will be put into action next week? I hope so.
Nicki: They are going to have to start moving. I guess her storyline might be the season cliffhanger?
Jo: Mmm, I think we’ll have some more Bran action in the last episode. Remember we haven’t had a conclusion to the Tower of Joy flashback yet! They could sit on that for a while but I think it’d be too long to hold until next season.
Nicki: Oh yes, we’ve seen barely anything of Bran and they risk people forgetting what they have already seen in the flashbacks if they wait until next season. That will be for the usually slightly quieter episode 10.
Jo: So yes - next week: big fights, lots of death and blood budget. Cersei may blow things up. Jon Snow’s manbun will get a lot of on-screen time.
Nicki: We’ve not seen those scenes from the trailer with them all charging on horseback, where everyone was like “I see Jon!" So yes, all action next week.
Jo: Fingers crossed for Tormund looking all hot while slicing people. He’ll be in battle mode.
Nicki: Oo more Wun Wun too! Giant go SQUISH. Surely one giant is worth an army?
Jo: I’ve got a feeling it’ll be Wun Wun’s last fight :(
Jo: They’re bound to try and take out the giant! Plus - CGI budget.
Nicki: We will have to have a ‘those we have lost’ roundup like at the Oscars at the end of this season at this rate.
Jo: This season we said goodbye to... everyone?
This is the one we've all been waiting for: EPISODE NINE IS ON THE HORIZON AND SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Nine is the big one, the oh-my-god-this-is-where-the-budget-went one, the holy-shit-Ned's-lost-his-head-Red-Wedding one. No pressure showrunners, but don't even think about sorting out the battle within the first 15 mins and then spending the rest of the episode showing us Missandei getting drunk on two sips of wine or someone Dornish doing Dorne things. We choose violence.